Thoughts from emotions

      I still have no clue how these blogs work, I know a long time ago i tried to make one and the same picture I put up is still there lol, so please excuse my lack of knowledge .. and my spelling, i am far from a spelling bee haha :o)

    So I figured what I would write about today is whatever I feel like .. no rhyme or reason, just plain emotion!!

    In life we are so guarded by what other people might think or feel about what we say, and for the most part, that is for good reason, because it seems people's sensitivity has gone through the roof .. or we can  not find the RIGHT words to say, or the words we actually mean, and it comes out sounding so harsh. So readers beware, this is strictly my thoughts at the moment, who knows tomorrow I could feel completely different .. or I might not .. honestly I have no idea what I am going to write about anyways so this talk could just be preparing for other blogs I might write .. lol .. so on with MY thoughts ..

   

Today I came across a video of Mom and I when we were babysitting for my niece and nephew, it is just sitting in the living room waiting for me to watch it .. I want to watch it so i can hear her voice again and I don't want to cause the pain is so deep. It is hard to talk about her with people, some may feel I am just looking for sympathy, some might just have no idea what to say, and others are just done with it. I miss her dearly, and I will NEVER "get over it" this is a pain that  will be with me until I am held in her arms once again. Not much more i can say about that I guess .. 

   What else is on Mrs.Rose's mind lately .. my mind is constantly going until I try to put it in words, funny how that works. I guess right now in my life I am trying to get better, better in my mind and my relationship with Jesus. I am not doing everything that I can, but I have come along way from sitting in a basement at an apartment feeling sorry for myself. I have followed through with the most important commitment i have made and that is reading my Bible. So many times I said I would read it, and never got past the first few pages, but am now nearly half way through it, and am excited to finish it, so I can read it again, hopefully retaining more information!! I am a bit lost in life, life is definitely not what I imagined it to be when I was a young girl, funny thing is, I remember thinking as a kid, when people grow up, their life just falls into place .. lol .. no work needed, it just happens because they got older .. out of the thoughts of babes!! Oh how I wish I could go back in time and cuff me up the side of the head when I thought that lol. I didn't expect all the curve balls, and such lack of will power on my behalf .. I fell short of what God created me to be big time, so now I am trying to pick up the pieces and see the value in my life, the value God seen when He first decided that I belong here .. a concept I am still trying to grasp!!

   Somehow, someway, I will find a  reason for all of this .. I will find my place in life and joy will shine from my eyes once again. It will never be the same joy I once had as a child, but I am ok with a  different  joy .. it would be nice to be confident again .. and I will gain that as I get closer to the only one who matters, the only one who knows the real me inside and out, no explanations needed .. no justifications .. just Him loving me because I am worth it :o)

   Well I guess I am done for now and did good, I don't think there is anything anyone can get mad at me for, but who knows right lol .. I am sure I will find out!!  Think this blog is going to turn into a diary unless I can figure out what I really want to say .. but until then, it is a nice outlet!! 
                                 
Until next time ..