He even loves the screw ups

                                              He Even Loves the Screw Ups                                                        


This is another video inspired blog, and once again I will credit the video in a later blog. This video talked about a young lady, named Ashley, who was on the wrong track in life, she didn't believe in God, her Mother and brother did but her Father was an atheist. She once lived with her Mom but had decided to move in with her Father. Sometime after, she got her own apartment and needed a room mate .. so along comes this other girl .. I will call her Chirstine because i can't seem to remember her name, i know it began with a C. Christine was a christian girl and well Ashley just thought, oh here we go!!  But this girl was different. She did not look down on Ashley, she never once made her feel like she was less then her, there was just something different about her. Ashley was messed up with the wrong guy, they we arguing and he was unfaithful so Ashley was just feeling miserable. One day Christine invited Ashley to sit and watch a video with her .. she seemed to really enjoy it so Christine popped on another one that would forever change Ashley's life. 
Ashley cried .. she was moved by what she had just seen, but she could not understand how God could love her, she lived a life of simply just screwing up, she felt inadequate and unworthy of God's love for her!! Christine pretty much just told her that we are all unworthy of God's love, we are all screw ups, but He sent Jesus to die on the cross for us because none of us can do it on our own. Jesus died to carry our sins for us. Well Ashley decided to ask the Lord into her heart that day. She said the sinners prayer and turned her life over to Jesus!! 
Her family watched as Ashley's life began to change, they saw the joy fill her eyes again and saw her actions were backing up everything she felt in her heart. Ashley was a changed person .. but sadly a short while after, Ashley was in a bad car accident, and did not survive. The Lord took her home .. Ashley's story has been being told ever since then, she has changed so many lives. This blog does not tell the full impact of this young girls life but it goes to show you that her story is still being told even through me as i sit here in my housecoat about to start my morning. 
I use to think that I screwed up so bad that I was a lost cause. But thankfully I too know that thinking that was just all lies .. the Devil will say and do whatever he has to do to bring you down. If he got you one day at a time his mission is accomplished. Today you feel you can't go out because you have nothing nice to wear, you feel too ugly, you don't feel smart enough ... all of these things capture you one moment at a time. Your own thoughts can paralyze you into believing that you are just not worth it, but that is so not true. We are all God's creation .. so we are all worth it!! 
It is so easy to laugh at christians .. and go for it if you so please, but once you feel and experience what they are actually excited about, it is life changing. There is hope and joy and the weight of the world lifted off of your shoulders when you know you are not alone in carrying the burdens of your life and the world around you. It is not just a change of mind as if to say ok so now i believe in this, now what? No it truly changes who you are, there is such peace and happiness to be found that so many people just don't understand.

I did not mean for that to turn into preaching of any sort, I am just passionate about people who felt like me. People who are worth so much more then they are living for. I will post this video at a later date because I can not tell it like they did .. Ashley was just a normal person living a normal life, when her whole world changed, and forever changed her eternity. 
Until next blog ... 

My Daddy XOxoXO

                      My Daddy XOxoXO             

There has been a few things I was wanting to write about, but the one I kept thinking about the most is this one. I wanted to write a blog about one of the best gifts God has ever blessed me with and that of course is my Daddy-oh.
Every time I look back as a little girl I remember my Dad working his butt off to give us what we needed or even just wanted. I remember one of the many times he took me out to buy a huge ugly coat i really wanted LoL .. he knew I would never wear it long, but he also knew how much i wanted it, so sure enough he bought it for me, a couple hundred dollars later, I was floating in my new winter coat.  Dad did his very best to buy us things that made us feel good .. and to have food in the house that would appeal to 6 different mouths .. oh the things he did for us was minute by minute, day by day and through every year of our lives.
Dad sacrificing things he wanted, to get us things we wanted is actually small in comparison to the love and strength he put into our family. Dad raised us up to love the Lord Jesus, he has gone to the same church for as long as I can remember .. I will always remember how proud I was to walk on stage after a service on Sunday or on Monday nights after our youth group to stand up by the greatest and coolest bass player who ever stepped foot on this earth!! I would tell every new person I met .. "that's MY dad!!" 
As I grew older and started to slip away Dad would never cease to tell me that he loves me and so does Jesus. He use to put little sticky notes on my door with a scripture and a sweet note on it so that I would get the scriptures into me one way or another .. I still have a bunch of those, to this day I love them!!

Needless to say to those who know him, Dad is a great husband. He showed me what I deserve for myself and nothing less, so in that, I too have a wonderful husband!!  Dad told Mom everyday how beautiful she is, and how much he loves her. Dad took care of her the very best he knew how. No one in this world is perfect, we all live and learn, and during the past few years of Dad's life he had to learn things in a very difficult way. He had to learn how to take care of very serious personal needs for my Mommy, he had to be her strength when he had the weight of the world on his own shoulders. He had to learn how to give her meds, watch her diet, and how to sneak in treats that Mom loved without me barking at him!! I sat and watched as Dad prayed with Mom, comforted Mom, hugged and kissed her, encouraged her, told her she was beautiful .. listened to her, cried with her, laughed with her .. the list is endless. That makes me cry so much because everyone has regrets, everyone wishes they could of done more, or could change things they did .. but the fact of the matter is, we were thrown under the bus, we were running around like chickens with our heads cut off, trying to do the best that we could, in a situation we knew nothing about .. and not once did Dad give up!!!!
I am SOOOOOOO proud of my Dad!! He never backed down, he did what had to be done with love in his eyes, and after Mom went to be with Jesus, he continued to be our strength. He encourages me and loves me and everyday is drawing closer to Jesus .. his faith through all of this has built up my own faith. I know no matter what is going on, no matter where he is, that i can call him, and he will take the time to sit with me, to cry with me, to talk with me .. to go for a drive just to get out of the house .. My Dad is the best Dad a girl could ever ask for. Words can not describe how proud I am to be my Father's daughter, every good thing in me is because of him and my beautiful Mother and the love for Jesus that shined through him every step of this horrible rough road. Thank you Dad for loving all of us, and taking care of all of us, for your devotion and strength and pure heart in everything you have done for our family. I love you with all that I am!!!!

I love you Daddy, you are more wonderful then you could ever know!!! XOxoXOxoXOxoXOxoXOxoXO

Suffering is a servant to Me

As I sat with Jamie and Dad tonight and watched a video with them, I learned, that I am not a servant to the loss and suffering I am carrying now, but it is a servant to me!! It is so easy, understandably, to get lost in the pain of losing a loved one, it is so easy to lose faith and say: God must not love me to allow this to happen!! I went through moments of that, moments of not being able to understand, and having my heart crushed in, what felt like,  the fist of a great giant who holds the key to every bit of happiness,dream, vision or goal I had set out for my life. I hurt so bad I scream and cry out to the only One who could save us and help us in our darkest of times .. and know that He hears me.
I know as i said in a previous blog that we can not grasp the bigger picture God can already see and has put in place in each one of our lives. We can not see why He had chosen to take Mom away from our lives now, and to bring her even closer to Him. All i know is that our God loves us .. He has wrapped His loving arms around this family the whole time .. from the time Mom was diagnosed, until the time He took her to be with Him .. if He was not by our sides we could never have done what He made us capable of doing, we could never have lived through it thinking that we would never see her again. Instead of running away from God .. away from Jesus our Savior and putting blame on Him for what took place .. I chose to run to Him .. i choose to run to the One who has been through it himself. 
Jesus was brutally persecuted, He was ridiculed .. He suffered in agony for each one of us. When we come across the question why did He have to take Mom so soon, Jesus was only 33, but there was a much bigger plan in place then anyone could understand as they watched this precious, loving man be hung on a cross to die. Our God has everything under control, so I will not hang my head in defeat, I will praise the name of Jesus for allowing me to be a part of His plan, I will use this sorrow and sadness to reach others who have fallen short of the glory of God because they feel He left them in a time when they needed Him most!! I will NOT be a servant to suffering, but this suffering will serve me, it will serve me and my Savior to reach the lost and the brokenhearted!!
I am not a preacher, I am not a teacher, heck I am not even all that book smart .. I am simply a women who has felt the loving touch of God on her life, who has experienced first hand what God is capable of doing. I am still learning and will continue until i am held safely in the arms of Jesus when i finally get home!!
The video that we watched will be credited in a later blog

Until next time, don't refuse what you do not understand, don't refuse what you have not experienced,  for seeing can very easily be believing .. but, simply believing, .. if or until seeing, is a great testimony to your faith!! 
 

My Mommy XOxoXO

              Sharon Elizabeth Adamski           

To be able to say everything i would like to say about Mom would take every bit of breath that I have left from now until eternity. So i figured i would just take it one step at a time .. one thought at a time. 
I will not, for the most part, speak of Mom as was because if I believe what i say i believe, then Mom is more alive then any one of us right now. So I will start off as my Mommy is the greatest Mother anyone could ever ask for!! Is she perfect? No, but she is perfect for us. Mom would worry about us from the time we left the house until the time she heard our phone call, or until we walked back through her door. She is the definition of protector, my goodness, if someone did something wrong to us, they would have to face the wrath of Momma. Even after we had long forgotten the incident, Mom didn't .. she was always there with a warning to make sure we didn't let our guard down so we would not become vulnerable to them again!! She was always home for us, she stayed day in and day out to make sure we had our meals for the day, had our bath and to make sure none of us rug burnt each other to the point of hospitalization!! I can not recall a time when i had to go to bed at night without seeing or hearing from Mom. She would have restless sleeps if she did not see or hear from us .. Mom, I can easily say, we are the ones tossing and turning every night now.
Mom is so funny in such an innocent and silly way. I could never prepare myself enough for what she might say .. but as i am saying that i can also recall how many times she didn't say anything at all. Dad would come in and tell Mom all about a show, or something he heard on the radio, next, one of the boys would come in and tell her the same story, then I too would go and repeat the same thing she already heard for herself  in the first place, and relived it 4 or 5 times after, and each and every time, she acted as if it was the first time she heard it. I often wondered why she did that, why not just say oh I heard that already .. but I now know it was because she knew we were so excited to tell her, everything that we learned .. or heard, we would always go back to Mom, filled with excitement to be able to share the news with her. So she sat there, and listened to each one us with her beautiful smile on her face and repeated the same lines she had already said to at least 3 other people. As small as that seems, that thought always makes me smile, she never put herself first no matter what the situation was.
I have never met anyone who could see such beauty in the smallest, simplest little things. You take Mom into the Dollar store and she was like a kid in a candy store, all the sparkles and ribbons and decorations .. all the things she could hang off of every door knob in the house, or a pretty decoration she could hang outside, or put in her window .. she was overjoyed with all the little trinkets she could fit into her basket. I remember when i was like 4 or 5 or something, i got necklace things, that went onto my My little pony's, well i just attached them, and formed them into a heart as best as i could because it just kept bending back into a deformed circle, and Mom looked at me like  it was the best gift anyone could ever receive .. i forgot all about that until not too long ago i looked into Mom's jewelery box, and there it was, the deformed little circle that she kept for 0ver 25 years .. that is my Mom, that is why life is so hard without her love and companionship. 

Every night Dad and I will look up into the sky in hopes to see even just one star, who knows .. maybe Mommy can see that same star .. so just in case, we will look at it just a little bit longer. I miss and love you Mommy, so very much, i miss your childish heart and compassionate touch in our lives, i can't wait to see you again, and NEVER be torn apart again. Love forever n a day, your Rosebud!! XOxoXO

              You are

    SO BEAUTIFUL
                        
               to me

The Power of Prayer

               The Power of Prayer                        
 
Another day, another blog. These are sort of fun to do :o)
So what can I talk about today? How about the power of prayer. 
Sometimes I find I can pray and pray and pray and nothing ever seems to happen, but that got me thinking, because sometimes I can pray and see immediate results. What did i do right that time in order for my prayer to get answered and not do right the other times? 
At one point in Jamie's and my life we were living a ridiculous life style, our mission was not to please God, but to please ourselves .. at any means possible. Needless to say, we are far from proud of that. There was a point when even then God answered my prayer .. I was in desperate need of Him, but i far from deserved His help!! I sat and prayed and cried and screamed one night, I prayed no matter what it took to please get us out of the mess of a life we were living .. the next day our whole world changed. It changed in a way i would never have chosen, in a sane mind that is. We went from being around each other every moment to not being able to see each other at all and facing some very serious consequences. I was so mad, i just couldn't understand why .. no matter how hard i prayed, that God would not hear my scream for help. Life took crazy turns for us, and took us a long time to rid our lives of some unwanted crap .. it took a long time for me to see that during that WHOLE time i was far from alone!! 
The night i prayed honestly and faithfully, with all that I was, changed our lives forever. Not the way i thought my prayer would be answered, but the way God knew it had to be answered. He took matters into His own hands that day .. gave me a taste of my own medicine and showed me just where i was headed!!
I do not know with full conviction why some prayers are answered immediately and some seem to never be, or seem to take forever .. that day just showed me, that God hears me, he heard me all along .. He had a better plan for me right from the beginning but I chose to stray and do my own thing .. i chose by my own decisions in life to turn away and feel like i was alone in my misery. It was at that time when i sat alone in my room and cried and surrendered myself to God, put all my trust in Him, that me making the decisions on what should happen came to an end. 
It makes me realize that no matter how much we may feel our way is right and may seem so logical, that God, the creator of all the universe .. the God who knows every star by name, has everything under control if we will just let Him make the decisions for us. 
I know that no matter how we may feel things in life should turn out, that we are just not capable of seeing the bigger picture or in other words, we are not able to give the answer to one of the biggest questions .. why?   But God is, He knows the bigger picture, He knows when and where our prayers should be answered, He knows the answer to every "why" that was ever asked!! 
So i guess the solution is to pray and believe whether you are seeing the results you hope for or not, because you were special enough to be created in the first place, special enough for Jesus to die on the cross for, so you are obviously special enough for God to listen too and special enough for Him to make the decisions in your life as to when, where and .. why?!?!
There was actually more i wanted to say so maybe i will continue on my next blog, or maybe i wont, who knows with me!! 
Until next time .. 

One of my Favorite Devotionals

Expressing our Fears to God

But Moses said to God, "Who am I that I should go to Pharaoh and bring the Israelites out of Egypt?" 

  And God said, "I will be with you. And this will be the sign to you that it is I who have sent you: When you have brought the people out of Egypt, you will worship God on this mountain."    Exodous 3:11-12

 After fleeing from Egypt to escape Pharaoh's wrath, Moses settled down to a quiet and predictable life as a shepherd in the peaceful, yet desolate, region of Midian. But God had different plans for Moses. He wanted Moses to return to Egypt, confront Pharaoh, and lead the Israelites out of slavery. When God revealed his plan to Moses by speaking from a burning bush, Moses hesitated. "Who am I?" he asked. He made a further excuse: "I have never been eloquent, neither in the past nor since you have spoken to your servant. I am slow of speech and tongue" (4:10) followed by the plaintive: "Please send someone else" (4:13) But for every one of Moses' excuses, God had an answer. God promised to be with him, to back up his message with miraculous signs, and even to give Moses the words to say. In the end, Moses was left with no excuses. God had promised to empower Moses each step of the way.

  What challenging situation has God given you? Freely express your misgivings and fears about the tasks God has given to you. Commit those fears to God, and remind yourself of God's willingness to empower you every step of the way.

    So far this is one of my favorite devotionals because it shows a lack of confidence in Moses and there was no need to try to hide it from God, He obviously knows what you are feeling, so Moses just simply told Him how it was, told Him how he felt. God did not respond saying oh you fool, I will find someone else then, instead He basically said Moses, dude, keep your head up, there is nothing to fear because I will be with you every turn you take .. so Moses did, he did what was asked of him even though he did not feel adequate.                 
                                                    Chin Up Rosebud!! :o)                                         

                                                                                                            

 

Thoughts from emotions

      I still have no clue how these blogs work, I know a long time ago i tried to make one and the same picture I put up is still there lol, so please excuse my lack of knowledge .. and my spelling, i am far from a spelling bee haha :o)

    So I figured what I would write about today is whatever I feel like .. no rhyme or reason, just plain emotion!!

    In life we are so guarded by what other people might think or feel about what we say, and for the most part, that is for good reason, because it seems people's sensitivity has gone through the roof .. or we can  not find the RIGHT words to say, or the words we actually mean, and it comes out sounding so harsh. So readers beware, this is strictly my thoughts at the moment, who knows tomorrow I could feel completely different .. or I might not .. honestly I have no idea what I am going to write about anyways so this talk could just be preparing for other blogs I might write .. lol .. so on with MY thoughts ..

   

Today I came across a video of Mom and I when we were babysitting for my niece and nephew, it is just sitting in the living room waiting for me to watch it .. I want to watch it so i can hear her voice again and I don't want to cause the pain is so deep. It is hard to talk about her with people, some may feel I am just looking for sympathy, some might just have no idea what to say, and others are just done with it. I miss her dearly, and I will NEVER "get over it" this is a pain that  will be with me until I am held in her arms once again. Not much more i can say about that I guess .. 

   What else is on Mrs.Rose's mind lately .. my mind is constantly going until I try to put it in words, funny how that works. I guess right now in my life I am trying to get better, better in my mind and my relationship with Jesus. I am not doing everything that I can, but I have come along way from sitting in a basement at an apartment feeling sorry for myself. I have followed through with the most important commitment i have made and that is reading my Bible. So many times I said I would read it, and never got past the first few pages, but am now nearly half way through it, and am excited to finish it, so I can read it again, hopefully retaining more information!! I am a bit lost in life, life is definitely not what I imagined it to be when I was a young girl, funny thing is, I remember thinking as a kid, when people grow up, their life just falls into place .. lol .. no work needed, it just happens because they got older .. out of the thoughts of babes!! Oh how I wish I could go back in time and cuff me up the side of the head when I thought that lol. I didn't expect all the curve balls, and such lack of will power on my behalf .. I fell short of what God created me to be big time, so now I am trying to pick up the pieces and see the value in my life, the value God seen when He first decided that I belong here .. a concept I am still trying to grasp!!

   Somehow, someway, I will find a  reason for all of this .. I will find my place in life and joy will shine from my eyes once again. It will never be the same joy I once had as a child, but I am ok with a  different  joy .. it would be nice to be confident again .. and I will gain that as I get closer to the only one who matters, the only one who knows the real me inside and out, no explanations needed .. no justifications .. just Him loving me because I am worth it :o)

   Well I guess I am done for now and did good, I don't think there is anything anyone can get mad at me for, but who knows right lol .. I am sure I will find out!!  Think this blog is going to turn into a diary unless I can figure out what I really want to say .. but until then, it is a nice outlet!! 
                                 
Until next time ..