Suffering is a servant to Me

As I sat with Jamie and Dad tonight and watched a video with them, I learned, that I am not a servant to the loss and suffering I am carrying now, but it is a servant to me!! It is so easy, understandably, to get lost in the pain of losing a loved one, it is so easy to lose faith and say: God must not love me to allow this to happen!! I went through moments of that, moments of not being able to understand, and having my heart crushed in, what felt like,  the fist of a great giant who holds the key to every bit of happiness,dream, vision or goal I had set out for my life. I hurt so bad I scream and cry out to the only One who could save us and help us in our darkest of times .. and know that He hears me.
I know as i said in a previous blog that we can not grasp the bigger picture God can already see and has put in place in each one of our lives. We can not see why He had chosen to take Mom away from our lives now, and to bring her even closer to Him. All i know is that our God loves us .. He has wrapped His loving arms around this family the whole time .. from the time Mom was diagnosed, until the time He took her to be with Him .. if He was not by our sides we could never have done what He made us capable of doing, we could never have lived through it thinking that we would never see her again. Instead of running away from God .. away from Jesus our Savior and putting blame on Him for what took place .. I chose to run to Him .. i choose to run to the One who has been through it himself. 
Jesus was brutally persecuted, He was ridiculed .. He suffered in agony for each one of us. When we come across the question why did He have to take Mom so soon, Jesus was only 33, but there was a much bigger plan in place then anyone could understand as they watched this precious, loving man be hung on a cross to die. Our God has everything under control, so I will not hang my head in defeat, I will praise the name of Jesus for allowing me to be a part of His plan, I will use this sorrow and sadness to reach others who have fallen short of the glory of God because they feel He left them in a time when they needed Him most!! I will NOT be a servant to suffering, but this suffering will serve me, it will serve me and my Savior to reach the lost and the brokenhearted!!
I am not a preacher, I am not a teacher, heck I am not even all that book smart .. I am simply a women who has felt the loving touch of God on her life, who has experienced first hand what God is capable of doing. I am still learning and will continue until i am held safely in the arms of Jesus when i finally get home!!
The video that we watched will be credited in a later blog

Until next time, don't refuse what you do not understand, don't refuse what you have not experienced,  for seeing can very easily be believing .. but, simply believing, .. if or until seeing, is a great testimony to your faith!!