Credit to Louie Giglio

Louie Giglio
 http://www.passioncitychurch.com/watch/

I said in a previous blog that i would credit the videos in which i was referring too in those blogs, at a later date, so i thought tonight would be that time. My Dad and I happened to hear a guy mention the name Louie Giglio, well that name went in one ear and out the other for me, but not for Dad. When we got home that night Dad decided to look his name up .. and sure enough he found him and realized that he has a church in Georgia .. the same place Dad already had a ticket booked to go to. Well needless to say when Dad arrived there, he eagerly waited for Sunday so he could arrive at Passion City Church and enjoy one of his services. Louie's messages seemed to hit home for Dad .. The messages God spoke through him .. were very powerful. Anyways, Dad found out he had some videos that he could buy .. so he did, he picked them up. Well when he got home we sat down and watched them and I was just blown away .. he used his excitement and passion for astronomy to show God in such a wonderful way. The way he pieced things together just kept me wanting to hear more.

 

The first video we watched is called Indescribable: (part 1)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ewKtSKbWZUI 

There are more then just that one, so if u like it .. keep looking for more because they truly are .. Indescribable!!

Also his actual church site is listed above if you are interested in listening to his Sunday services :o) 

I feel like i am promoting him, but it is not like that. His view on things are just different and as the guy said, whom we first heard of Louie from, his eyes just show his passion and his love for God, his eyes shine!! I want mine to shine like that!! 

I referred to the videos: Indescribable, How Great Is Our God, Hope, and Fruitcake and Ice cream.

 

Poem: Impenetrable Strength

Impenetrable Strength

As a thousand claws rip out my heart

I sit here and cringe as my last ounce of strength is torn away

Being positive is a day to day trail

As I watch those claws scrape away my hope right before my very eyes.

The Lord is good, the Lord is near!!

Yet as I scream out the last little whimper of voice i have left

I am seeing no footprints besides my own

As I watch .. my strength is being dragged down into the depths of the earth

With heavy hands my palms I bare,

rescue me Father from my despair, 

show me a sign that u still care!!

See me worthy,for your strength to share!!

I hear a thunder from all around

I feel my suffering being molded together with such genuine warmth

like a ball of clay i am being transformed from the inside out

like a vice, reality tightens around me, I am not the person whom I once was

A figure appears before my eyes

a freshly sculpted soul is glowing with radiant life, with such familiarity

As I sit here I watch a wilted, dying rose being reborn, planting new roots

   I watch the life of the rose rejuvenate, stand strong .. with such ..  impenetrable strength

A Sheppard will lead one sheep to show the way

the rest will follow, so it is safe to say

The Lord set his plan, and  He heard me pray

He saved my life, so with Him, I would stay

This is yet another rough night. I came across some pictures I was not ready for today. I was feeling like the little bit of strength i tricked myself into believing i had, was ripped out from under me. Tonight my devotional had a simple line in it saying "Often he uses impossible situations in our lives to forge character" and the thoughts of this poem visually filled my mind. I really do not want to get into the depth of my thoughts here, the poem pretty much covered what i wanted to say. Until next meltdown ..
**This poem is by no means saying that i need signs or am doubting the hand of God in all of this .. it is saying the complete opposite, when i reread it today it sounded a little off, but hey,  that is what poured out, so that is what will stay**

   

My Heart In His Hands .. Poem

My Heart In His Hands

On a sun filled day, black clouds may appear

a face full of laughter, suddenly fills with fear

A life as you know it, may come to end

  but with trust in our Lord, our hearts He will mend

Having faith can be hard, as you're losing your fight

yet we will always win, with His plan in His sight.

We can not grasp, what we do not know

but His love for us, will ultimately show.

A broken heart, a wounded soul

the pain of this world sure took its toll

a sudden scream, a silent cry

oh dear God; how could she die?

With loving hands He holds my heart

a comfort knowing, we will never part.

although this life is all we see,

our eternal world,will always be

I decided to write this tonight because today was sort of rough. I can get so discouraged sometimes that i lose sight of what is really important, and that is my relationship with my Saviour. I can be so strong some days, and feel so defeated the next, but I do know that everything is way beyond my comprehension. To trust is to give all my worries and pain over to Him, and that can be very hard sometimes because I am just not capable of seeing the bigger picture. I can, however, see the picture He already painted for us. That being, His Son on the cross dying for me. If He could love me that much then, why in the world would He not love me that much now? Rose, it all comes down to laminin .. that self adhesive molecule that holds everything together in our bodies .. the cross of our Lord Jesus .. holds everything together!!

Colossians 1:15-17

New International Version (NIV)

The Supremacy of the Son of God

 ¹⁵ The Son is the image of the invisible God, the firstborn over all creation. ¹⁶ For in him all things were created: things in heaven and on earth, visible and invisible, whether thrones or powers or rulers or authorities; all things have been created through him and for him. ¹⁷ He is before all things, and in him all things hold together. 

 

Just to talk

                                 Just To Talk                           

Tonight I am writing with no purpose in mind. Jay and Dad are asleep and I am just sitting here in my own thoughts. I am cooking a ham and have no idea how to tell when it is done lol .. but the house smells nice :o) I use to love night times, now .. not so much!! The house is also lonely during the days as is, but I can clean and keep myself busy, but the nights are just so quiet and a huge reminder of all the thoughts I try to avoid all day. I try my best to be strong and quiet about what it is going on i n my head, but I guess things have a way with catching up to people. I have way too much time to think. I need a job. I need to fill up my mind with new things and start learning and be proud of myself. I knew at some point this blog would turn into a diary, that is so me lol. Ham just beeped, be right back ... Wow just found out how impossible it is to cut a ham without eating any of it hahaha. Yeah new paragraph ..

Since this is so diary like I might as well do all my pretty colors like I would normally do .. I remember sitting in the Dartmouth General with Mommy one night using all my pretty pens in one of my diaries and Mom looked over at me as she was watching a show and just said I love these kind of nights when you are reading and writing beside me. Leave it to Mom to find such simple  joy in the hardest of times, man do I ever miss her.

I guess I am feeling a little crappy tonight, good thing I can blab away on this blog, however I really do not know what else to say. I am just trying to find my place in this world, trying to find joy and surround myself with people that truly do care about me and want to be around me even though I am completely awkward and totally lost lol .. nice combination I must say!! Not sure how Jamie stuck by me all these years, but sure am thankful he did!!
 
I remember one day Jamie came to get me for school and I had just fallen down my front stairs .. 13 of them haha with a lap top in my hands, so he knocks on the door and Mom yells "come in" so Jay opens the door to find a bunch of lap top keys all over the floor and Mom yells "Rose fell down the stairs!!" and Jamie says .. "is she ok???" Mommy yells "NOOOOOOO!!!!!" hahaha .. and runs off leaving Jamie to think I am laying in a coma somewhere  LoL I was totally fine, i had a bump on my head and had to explain a broken laptop to the person who owned it, but other then that I was fine hahaha ... you know as nice as memories are ... there were so many more to make.  

Well I guess I will go and read now, who knows I might come back on if I can't get out of my funk .. hope everyone is safe happy and healthy .. with lots of love and care, until next time ..

He even loves the screw ups

                                              He Even Loves the Screw Ups                                                        


This is another video inspired blog, and once again I will credit the video in a later blog. This video talked about a young lady, named Ashley, who was on the wrong track in life, she didn't believe in God, her Mother and brother did but her Father was an atheist. She once lived with her Mom but had decided to move in with her Father. Sometime after, she got her own apartment and needed a room mate .. so along comes this other girl .. I will call her Chirstine because i can't seem to remember her name, i know it began with a C. Christine was a christian girl and well Ashley just thought, oh here we go!!  But this girl was different. She did not look down on Ashley, she never once made her feel like she was less then her, there was just something different about her. Ashley was messed up with the wrong guy, they we arguing and he was unfaithful so Ashley was just feeling miserable. One day Christine invited Ashley to sit and watch a video with her .. she seemed to really enjoy it so Christine popped on another one that would forever change Ashley's life. 
Ashley cried .. she was moved by what she had just seen, but she could not understand how God could love her, she lived a life of simply just screwing up, she felt inadequate and unworthy of God's love for her!! Christine pretty much just told her that we are all unworthy of God's love, we are all screw ups, but He sent Jesus to die on the cross for us because none of us can do it on our own. Jesus died to carry our sins for us. Well Ashley decided to ask the Lord into her heart that day. She said the sinners prayer and turned her life over to Jesus!! 
Her family watched as Ashley's life began to change, they saw the joy fill her eyes again and saw her actions were backing up everything she felt in her heart. Ashley was a changed person .. but sadly a short while after, Ashley was in a bad car accident, and did not survive. The Lord took her home .. Ashley's story has been being told ever since then, she has changed so many lives. This blog does not tell the full impact of this young girls life but it goes to show you that her story is still being told even through me as i sit here in my housecoat about to start my morning. 
I use to think that I screwed up so bad that I was a lost cause. But thankfully I too know that thinking that was just all lies .. the Devil will say and do whatever he has to do to bring you down. If he got you one day at a time his mission is accomplished. Today you feel you can't go out because you have nothing nice to wear, you feel too ugly, you don't feel smart enough ... all of these things capture you one moment at a time. Your own thoughts can paralyze you into believing that you are just not worth it, but that is so not true. We are all God's creation .. so we are all worth it!! 
It is so easy to laugh at christians .. and go for it if you so please, but once you feel and experience what they are actually excited about, it is life changing. There is hope and joy and the weight of the world lifted off of your shoulders when you know you are not alone in carrying the burdens of your life and the world around you. It is not just a change of mind as if to say ok so now i believe in this, now what? No it truly changes who you are, there is such peace and happiness to be found that so many people just don't understand.

I did not mean for that to turn into preaching of any sort, I am just passionate about people who felt like me. People who are worth so much more then they are living for. I will post this video at a later date because I can not tell it like they did .. Ashley was just a normal person living a normal life, when her whole world changed, and forever changed her eternity. 
Until next blog ... 

My Daddy XOxoXO

                      My Daddy XOxoXO             

There has been a few things I was wanting to write about, but the one I kept thinking about the most is this one. I wanted to write a blog about one of the best gifts God has ever blessed me with and that of course is my Daddy-oh.
Every time I look back as a little girl I remember my Dad working his butt off to give us what we needed or even just wanted. I remember one of the many times he took me out to buy a huge ugly coat i really wanted LoL .. he knew I would never wear it long, but he also knew how much i wanted it, so sure enough he bought it for me, a couple hundred dollars later, I was floating in my new winter coat.  Dad did his very best to buy us things that made us feel good .. and to have food in the house that would appeal to 6 different mouths .. oh the things he did for us was minute by minute, day by day and through every year of our lives.
Dad sacrificing things he wanted, to get us things we wanted is actually small in comparison to the love and strength he put into our family. Dad raised us up to love the Lord Jesus, he has gone to the same church for as long as I can remember .. I will always remember how proud I was to walk on stage after a service on Sunday or on Monday nights after our youth group to stand up by the greatest and coolest bass player who ever stepped foot on this earth!! I would tell every new person I met .. "that's MY dad!!" 
As I grew older and started to slip away Dad would never cease to tell me that he loves me and so does Jesus. He use to put little sticky notes on my door with a scripture and a sweet note on it so that I would get the scriptures into me one way or another .. I still have a bunch of those, to this day I love them!!

Needless to say to those who know him, Dad is a great husband. He showed me what I deserve for myself and nothing less, so in that, I too have a wonderful husband!!  Dad told Mom everyday how beautiful she is, and how much he loves her. Dad took care of her the very best he knew how. No one in this world is perfect, we all live and learn, and during the past few years of Dad's life he had to learn things in a very difficult way. He had to learn how to take care of very serious personal needs for my Mommy, he had to be her strength when he had the weight of the world on his own shoulders. He had to learn how to give her meds, watch her diet, and how to sneak in treats that Mom loved without me barking at him!! I sat and watched as Dad prayed with Mom, comforted Mom, hugged and kissed her, encouraged her, told her she was beautiful .. listened to her, cried with her, laughed with her .. the list is endless. That makes me cry so much because everyone has regrets, everyone wishes they could of done more, or could change things they did .. but the fact of the matter is, we were thrown under the bus, we were running around like chickens with our heads cut off, trying to do the best that we could, in a situation we knew nothing about .. and not once did Dad give up!!!!
I am SOOOOOOO proud of my Dad!! He never backed down, he did what had to be done with love in his eyes, and after Mom went to be with Jesus, he continued to be our strength. He encourages me and loves me and everyday is drawing closer to Jesus .. his faith through all of this has built up my own faith. I know no matter what is going on, no matter where he is, that i can call him, and he will take the time to sit with me, to cry with me, to talk with me .. to go for a drive just to get out of the house .. My Dad is the best Dad a girl could ever ask for. Words can not describe how proud I am to be my Father's daughter, every good thing in me is because of him and my beautiful Mother and the love for Jesus that shined through him every step of this horrible rough road. Thank you Dad for loving all of us, and taking care of all of us, for your devotion and strength and pure heart in everything you have done for our family. I love you with all that I am!!!!

I love you Daddy, you are more wonderful then you could ever know!!! XOxoXOxoXOxoXOxoXOxoXO

Suffering is a servant to Me

As I sat with Jamie and Dad tonight and watched a video with them, I learned, that I am not a servant to the loss and suffering I am carrying now, but it is a servant to me!! It is so easy, understandably, to get lost in the pain of losing a loved one, it is so easy to lose faith and say: God must not love me to allow this to happen!! I went through moments of that, moments of not being able to understand, and having my heart crushed in, what felt like,  the fist of a great giant who holds the key to every bit of happiness,dream, vision or goal I had set out for my life. I hurt so bad I scream and cry out to the only One who could save us and help us in our darkest of times .. and know that He hears me.
I know as i said in a previous blog that we can not grasp the bigger picture God can already see and has put in place in each one of our lives. We can not see why He had chosen to take Mom away from our lives now, and to bring her even closer to Him. All i know is that our God loves us .. He has wrapped His loving arms around this family the whole time .. from the time Mom was diagnosed, until the time He took her to be with Him .. if He was not by our sides we could never have done what He made us capable of doing, we could never have lived through it thinking that we would never see her again. Instead of running away from God .. away from Jesus our Savior and putting blame on Him for what took place .. I chose to run to Him .. i choose to run to the One who has been through it himself. 
Jesus was brutally persecuted, He was ridiculed .. He suffered in agony for each one of us. When we come across the question why did He have to take Mom so soon, Jesus was only 33, but there was a much bigger plan in place then anyone could understand as they watched this precious, loving man be hung on a cross to die. Our God has everything under control, so I will not hang my head in defeat, I will praise the name of Jesus for allowing me to be a part of His plan, I will use this sorrow and sadness to reach others who have fallen short of the glory of God because they feel He left them in a time when they needed Him most!! I will NOT be a servant to suffering, but this suffering will serve me, it will serve me and my Savior to reach the lost and the brokenhearted!!
I am not a preacher, I am not a teacher, heck I am not even all that book smart .. I am simply a women who has felt the loving touch of God on her life, who has experienced first hand what God is capable of doing. I am still learning and will continue until i am held safely in the arms of Jesus when i finally get home!!
The video that we watched will be credited in a later blog

Until next time, don't refuse what you do not understand, don't refuse what you have not experienced,  for seeing can very easily be believing .. but, simply believing, .. if or until seeing, is a great testimony to your faith!! 
 

My Mommy XOxoXO

              Sharon Elizabeth Adamski           

To be able to say everything i would like to say about Mom would take every bit of breath that I have left from now until eternity. So i figured i would just take it one step at a time .. one thought at a time. 
I will not, for the most part, speak of Mom as was because if I believe what i say i believe, then Mom is more alive then any one of us right now. So I will start off as my Mommy is the greatest Mother anyone could ever ask for!! Is she perfect? No, but she is perfect for us. Mom would worry about us from the time we left the house until the time she heard our phone call, or until we walked back through her door. She is the definition of protector, my goodness, if someone did something wrong to us, they would have to face the wrath of Momma. Even after we had long forgotten the incident, Mom didn't .. she was always there with a warning to make sure we didn't let our guard down so we would not become vulnerable to them again!! She was always home for us, she stayed day in and day out to make sure we had our meals for the day, had our bath and to make sure none of us rug burnt each other to the point of hospitalization!! I can not recall a time when i had to go to bed at night without seeing or hearing from Mom. She would have restless sleeps if she did not see or hear from us .. Mom, I can easily say, we are the ones tossing and turning every night now.
Mom is so funny in such an innocent and silly way. I could never prepare myself enough for what she might say .. but as i am saying that i can also recall how many times she didn't say anything at all. Dad would come in and tell Mom all about a show, or something he heard on the radio, next, one of the boys would come in and tell her the same story, then I too would go and repeat the same thing she already heard for herself  in the first place, and relived it 4 or 5 times after, and each and every time, she acted as if it was the first time she heard it. I often wondered why she did that, why not just say oh I heard that already .. but I now know it was because she knew we were so excited to tell her, everything that we learned .. or heard, we would always go back to Mom, filled with excitement to be able to share the news with her. So she sat there, and listened to each one us with her beautiful smile on her face and repeated the same lines she had already said to at least 3 other people. As small as that seems, that thought always makes me smile, she never put herself first no matter what the situation was.
I have never met anyone who could see such beauty in the smallest, simplest little things. You take Mom into the Dollar store and she was like a kid in a candy store, all the sparkles and ribbons and decorations .. all the things she could hang off of every door knob in the house, or a pretty decoration she could hang outside, or put in her window .. she was overjoyed with all the little trinkets she could fit into her basket. I remember when i was like 4 or 5 or something, i got necklace things, that went onto my My little pony's, well i just attached them, and formed them into a heart as best as i could because it just kept bending back into a deformed circle, and Mom looked at me like  it was the best gift anyone could ever receive .. i forgot all about that until not too long ago i looked into Mom's jewelery box, and there it was, the deformed little circle that she kept for 0ver 25 years .. that is my Mom, that is why life is so hard without her love and companionship. 

Every night Dad and I will look up into the sky in hopes to see even just one star, who knows .. maybe Mommy can see that same star .. so just in case, we will look at it just a little bit longer. I miss and love you Mommy, so very much, i miss your childish heart and compassionate touch in our lives, i can't wait to see you again, and NEVER be torn apart again. Love forever n a day, your Rosebud!! XOxoXO

              You are

    SO BEAUTIFUL
                        
               to me

The Power of Prayer

               The Power of Prayer                        
 
Another day, another blog. These are sort of fun to do :o)
So what can I talk about today? How about the power of prayer. 
Sometimes I find I can pray and pray and pray and nothing ever seems to happen, but that got me thinking, because sometimes I can pray and see immediate results. What did i do right that time in order for my prayer to get answered and not do right the other times? 
At one point in Jamie's and my life we were living a ridiculous life style, our mission was not to please God, but to please ourselves .. at any means possible. Needless to say, we are far from proud of that. There was a point when even then God answered my prayer .. I was in desperate need of Him, but i far from deserved His help!! I sat and prayed and cried and screamed one night, I prayed no matter what it took to please get us out of the mess of a life we were living .. the next day our whole world changed. It changed in a way i would never have chosen, in a sane mind that is. We went from being around each other every moment to not being able to see each other at all and facing some very serious consequences. I was so mad, i just couldn't understand why .. no matter how hard i prayed, that God would not hear my scream for help. Life took crazy turns for us, and took us a long time to rid our lives of some unwanted crap .. it took a long time for me to see that during that WHOLE time i was far from alone!! 
The night i prayed honestly and faithfully, with all that I was, changed our lives forever. Not the way i thought my prayer would be answered, but the way God knew it had to be answered. He took matters into His own hands that day .. gave me a taste of my own medicine and showed me just where i was headed!!
I do not know with full conviction why some prayers are answered immediately and some seem to never be, or seem to take forever .. that day just showed me, that God hears me, he heard me all along .. He had a better plan for me right from the beginning but I chose to stray and do my own thing .. i chose by my own decisions in life to turn away and feel like i was alone in my misery. It was at that time when i sat alone in my room and cried and surrendered myself to God, put all my trust in Him, that me making the decisions on what should happen came to an end. 
It makes me realize that no matter how much we may feel our way is right and may seem so logical, that God, the creator of all the universe .. the God who knows every star by name, has everything under control if we will just let Him make the decisions for us. 
I know that no matter how we may feel things in life should turn out, that we are just not capable of seeing the bigger picture or in other words, we are not able to give the answer to one of the biggest questions .. why?   But God is, He knows the bigger picture, He knows when and where our prayers should be answered, He knows the answer to every "why" that was ever asked!! 
So i guess the solution is to pray and believe whether you are seeing the results you hope for or not, because you were special enough to be created in the first place, special enough for Jesus to die on the cross for, so you are obviously special enough for God to listen too and special enough for Him to make the decisions in your life as to when, where and .. why?!?!
There was actually more i wanted to say so maybe i will continue on my next blog, or maybe i wont, who knows with me!! 
Until next time ..