Just to talk

                                 Just To Talk                           

Tonight I am writing with no purpose in mind. Jay and Dad are asleep and I am just sitting here in my own thoughts. I am cooking a ham and have no idea how to tell when it is done lol .. but the house smells nice :o) I use to love night times, now .. not so much!! The house is also lonely during the days as is, but I can clean and keep myself busy, but the nights are just so quiet and a huge reminder of all the thoughts I try to avoid all day. I try my best to be strong and quiet about what it is going on i n my head, but I guess things have a way with catching up to people. I have way too much time to think. I need a job. I need to fill up my mind with new things and start learning and be proud of myself. I knew at some point this blog would turn into a diary, that is so me lol. Ham just beeped, be right back ... Wow just found out how impossible it is to cut a ham without eating any of it hahaha. Yeah new paragraph ..

Since this is so diary like I might as well do all my pretty colors like I would normally do .. I remember sitting in the Dartmouth General with Mommy one night using all my pretty pens in one of my diaries and Mom looked over at me as she was watching a show and just said I love these kind of nights when you are reading and writing beside me. Leave it to Mom to find such simple  joy in the hardest of times, man do I ever miss her.

I guess I am feeling a little crappy tonight, good thing I can blab away on this blog, however I really do not know what else to say. I am just trying to find my place in this world, trying to find joy and surround myself with people that truly do care about me and want to be around me even though I am completely awkward and totally lost lol .. nice combination I must say!! Not sure how Jamie stuck by me all these years, but sure am thankful he did!!
 
I remember one day Jamie came to get me for school and I had just fallen down my front stairs .. 13 of them haha with a lap top in my hands, so he knocks on the door and Mom yells "come in" so Jay opens the door to find a bunch of lap top keys all over the floor and Mom yells "Rose fell down the stairs!!" and Jamie says .. "is she ok???" Mommy yells "NOOOOOOO!!!!!" hahaha .. and runs off leaving Jamie to think I am laying in a coma somewhere  LoL I was totally fine, i had a bump on my head and had to explain a broken laptop to the person who owned it, but other then that I was fine hahaha ... you know as nice as memories are ... there were so many more to make.  

Well I guess I will go and read now, who knows I might come back on if I can't get out of my funk .. hope everyone is safe happy and healthy .. with lots of love and care, until next time ..