Lifted Poem

Lifted

 

Drowning in the sands of  our sorrow

we patiently wait for a better tomorrow.

As we try desperately to dig our way out

the weight is too strong, we can't even shout

 

Trying to survive, our hands we hold high

longing to feel air, a touch from the sky.

A flash of our lives, graces our sight

reminding us why, we can't give up our fight.

 

As we start to feel the pressure subside

our heart and emotions suddenly collide

the sand that held us is starting to strain

We wonder how long, the pain will remain

 

Raising up from the ground, we start to feel free

all the dirt falls off, reveling me

I begin to know, that i have been washed clean

and my life as i know it, has yet to be seen.

 

 

 

Just One Call (poem)

Just One Call

If heaven would allow just one call to someone we hold dear

I would call my Mom and cry out loud " I wish that you were here!!

I miss the way you would make me laugh, as you did your silly dance

and the way you would scold my crazy talk, with just a  solid glance"

If just one call was all we had, there would be so much i would say

"I can not wait to walk heaven's streets beside you everyday.

Does Jesus give you a hug from me? I pray that every night,

I want Him to wrap His arms around you, and hold you oh so tight!!"

If our call would last a while, there are things i want to know,

"when I see .. a butterfly, does God let my smile show?

Can you feel the love I have when I see you in my dreams?

Does He let you hold me .. secretly .. when my pain turns to screams?"

Just one call, is not enough, I would never want to  leave

but to hear your voice is all I ask to help me while i grieve.

God's plan is so much more then I can understand

but every moment of my life, we'll be walking hand in hand.

 ~Love: Your Rosebud~

FOREVER~N~A DAY

Journal

Journal

Another diary day i guess. I really do not have much in mind to say but am not falling asleep like i would like to be so off i go to speak about who knows what ..

Tonight we went to my uncle's house to visit with some of Dad's cousins who he has not seen for many years, it was the fist time i met them, so that was very nice to meet them. My family is such wonderful cooks so the food was obviously delicious!! Always a joy to break a diet for any of their cooking lol.  

Jamie is now sound asleep and snoring comfortably beside me .. i usually roll him on his side and he stops but my little Mousie cat is laying on top of him and looks so peaceful, so i think i will leave them both be for now lol .. wow when i wrote that he got a lot louder haha .. oh my .

I am now reading Proverbs ... which if i do say so myself is pretty darn cool!! I am very excited that I have stuck to it and am over half way done reading the whole Bible!! Page 557 out of 1098 :o) I really enjoy reading Proverbs it is giving me a great footing on what to actually pray for .. sometimes i wonder if i am really asking God for what i should be asking Him for .. I am learning the best thing to gain is wisdom, which does make total sense .. after all what i want most in life is to be closer to Him, and be doing what He created for me to be doing in the first place!!

Mom would of really enjoyed seeing Dad's cousins today .. she ALWAYS enjoyed getting together with the family, so i am happy that i am at least going now, she would be proud of me for that. It would of been much easier to do with her here, but i was foolish .. so all I can do now is to enjoy the company of people who Mom ( and me too ) loves and who loves us. Very proud of my family, very proud to be apart of it, God sure does love me!!

I have been debating on putting in an application for a part time job, since the babysitting one did not seem to work in my favor .. however the doctor has  put me on some medication to hopefully help me get a little bun in my oven lol .. so am thinking focusing on that may be the most appropriate option for me at this time .. sure would be nice to be working again though, I would also love to get my GED to take some steps to get closer to be an LPN.. that all seems so far fetched for me but if it is meant to be and i put the work into it, nothing is impossible .. so i hear ;o)

Well I thought this was erased but it is still here so I will end it now a few days later because I already wrote another blog tonight :o) Take care all .. until next erased blog .. 

Heart on my sleeve

Heart On My Sleeve

Well tonight's blog will basically be about anything that comes to my mind. So another journal entry perhaps. 

I have been thinking a lot about how different people deal with the loss of a loved one. Some people are so quiet about it, and although you know they are hurting inside they just do not seem to scream for help. They appear very calm and collect .. while others (aka: me) are very openly in pain.

Now I do understand that how people perceive you can have a huge impact on how you behave, or what you put out there, but for me, I couldn't care less. For every person who cares about you, is another telling you to get a grip. There is no possible way to please everyone .. no matter how "great" you are there is always someone who will look at you like you are a tool. No matter how much of a tool you are, there is always someone who could only hope to be in your shoes.

I know that as someone who believes in God's promises that I can not grieve as if I have no hope, because I know I will see my Mother again .. i just miss her now, every single day, and I will never stop until the day she is holding me in her arms. I do not know how someone can lose a loved one with out hope and faith in our Lord Jesus Christ, I would not be able to just carry on each day, not knowing I will live in eternity, to never hurt or lose again. Thank you to my beautiful parents for raising me to know and experience God's love. Without it, I would never have made it this far!!

I am very open and honest about who I am, I am not ashamed by any means. I have huge regrets about choices I have made, and for some of the things I have done, but I am forgiven .. sometimes it is hard to grasp that Jesus can forgive me, but I have struggled to forgive myself.

I don't know why I blog and put my heart out there in this world .. nor do I care. When my time on earth is finished I can safely say I was not ashamed. Not ashamed of my Savior .. and not ashamed of myself.

Have you ever felt as if you were trying sooo hard to talk someone into something, but it was just not getting through to them?? I  will always remember my Daddy telling me, if you can talk someone into it, then someone else can talk them out of it!! So I try to apply that to my life, I can tell someone something that I may have experienced or that I may have seen, and want so bad for them to know and feel the same thing, but all I can do is share and then be available if ever they want or need me .. and if not then that is ok, because I know I did what I was suppose to do. 

I guess my mind is starting to go in different directions, but I am having a hard time falling asleep tonight, yet again, so it is what it is. 

I also think a lot about "friendship" .. now don't get me wrong, I have a lot of wonderful people in my life who love and care for me, but to me, one way to describe friendship is .. Jamie. He is a person who loved me though everything .. and i mean EVERYTHING, i tried my best to push him away (without realizing that was what i was doing) but no matter what i did, he always seen the good in me. He always believed in me. Through everything that I have been dealing with recently, no matter how "good" i may appear, he will always ask me how I am really doing, and what he can do to make my day better .. and this is after he works all day and not always under the best circumstances for himself. NEVER once does he make how he feels a priority .. he is so much like Mom in that way, no wonder i love him so dearly!! 

I am not neglecting to speak of certain people .. like i said i am very blessed with wonderful people, and i am thankful to you all, but for the moment, I  really want to say thank you to my cousin Laura. I know I do not need to be anyone but myself in front of you, you always seem to find just the right scripture at just the right time. I am not going to get too mushy I just want you to know how much your unconditional support and understanding has meant to me .. through all my awkward and bright red moments (lol) you never made me feel any less. You wrote that Mom was always a safe place for you .. but you are my safe place, and I am thanking you for the both of us, because only Mom understood  just how much I need that safe place.  Thankful for you Orsh .. 

Now that I embarrassed her, lol .. my blog is now complete .. until next blog ..

Social Anxiety the lies we believe

Social Anxiety

Today I felt the need to blog about social anxiety. It is something that most people do not understand .. they just can not "get it" and that makes complete sense because people with it,can not understand it either!!

Now in my own experience I find it to be all lies to keep me from getting to where I was created to be. It is a hold on my life that God wants me to surrender to Him. I have to trust Him, in order for me to get better!! 

I have been told time after time to take mind-altering medications that will help to equal out the "chemical imbalance" that is supposedly going on in my brain. That is simply not an option for me!! If a person with social anxiety can find a doctor who specializes in social anxiety they will learn that cognitive-behavioral therapy is a much more effective and safer way to go about getting this under control. Your mind can play many tricks on you, the Devil will stop at nothing to find your weakness and tell you lies so that you will not amount to what God intended for your life!! Yeah here goes Rose preaching again, but it is true!!  

*The physiological manifestations that accompany social anxiety may include intense fear, racing heart, turning red or blushing, excessive sweating, dry throat and mouth, trembling, swallowing with difficulty, and muscle twitches.*  That is no way for anyone to live ..   *A specific social anxiety would be the fear of speaking in front of groups, whereas generalized social phobia indicates that the person is anxious, nervous, and uncomfortable in almost all social situations.* *People with social anxiety disorder know that their anxiety is irrational and does not make "head" sense. Nevertheless, "knowing" something is never the same thing as "believing" and "feeling" something.* 

I have chosen a site that reflects how I feel about social anxiety and that is where I am getting those facts from:  http://www.social-anxiety-network.com/define.html ... However I also know that if a person does nothing to correct it, that this issue can easily become worse and also become an excuse, it can let you "off the hook" in situations you simply do not want to face, or responsibilities you do not want to embrace. It was not until I had to be there for my precious Mother that I realized just how much I let that take away any of my ambition, desires, motivation and even security that were actually still very prevalent in my life. I believed the lies that were being told to me and actually started to embrace them because it allowed me to not feel responsible for the things in life I had CHOSEN not to do.

 I still struggle with social anxiety, but after having to be out of my comfort zone everyday I know that I am more then capable to be the person who I really want to be .. I am one who may benefit from cognitive therapy because of my blushing .. lol .. but I do know .. that if a person with social anxiety will only allow themselves to get better .. will FORCE themselves to get better .. by praying and spending time with God, reading the Bible, and getting good solid positive words in their heart and mind daily .. by taking even just small little steps by stepping out of their house, or making a phone call to some they trust .. simple little things like that to remind yourself of what you are missing, which is so much more then you may realize .. I realized it the hard way .. when it was too late, I can not make up the time I missed sitting with Mom at church, and listening to her silly remarks Christmas eve .. I missed out on VERY precious times I could of enjoyed with my beautiful Mother. 

I guess what my heart is trying to get out, is life is soooo short!! Social anxiety is NOT something that should rule your life, It is beatable if you truly want it to be .. when I was at my worst with it,no one could talk me out of it .. and I so wish I would of listened, I would do anything to have those days back so I could spend that time I will forever miss. 

~Until next blog ...~

   

Credit to Louie Giglio

Louie Giglio
 http://www.passioncitychurch.com/watch/

I said in a previous blog that i would credit the videos in which i was referring too in those blogs, at a later date, so i thought tonight would be that time. My Dad and I happened to hear a guy mention the name Louie Giglio, well that name went in one ear and out the other for me, but not for Dad. When we got home that night Dad decided to look his name up .. and sure enough he found him and realized that he has a church in Georgia .. the same place Dad already had a ticket booked to go to. Well needless to say when Dad arrived there, he eagerly waited for Sunday so he could arrive at Passion City Church and enjoy one of his services. Louie's messages seemed to hit home for Dad .. The messages God spoke through him .. were very powerful. Anyways, Dad found out he had some videos that he could buy .. so he did, he picked them up. Well when he got home we sat down and watched them and I was just blown away .. he used his excitement and passion for astronomy to show God in such a wonderful way. The way he pieced things together just kept me wanting to hear more.

 

The first video we watched is called Indescribable: (part 1)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ewKtSKbWZUI 

There are more then just that one, so if u like it .. keep looking for more because they truly are .. Indescribable!!

Also his actual church site is listed above if you are interested in listening to his Sunday services :o) 

I feel like i am promoting him, but it is not like that. His view on things are just different and as the guy said, whom we first heard of Louie from, his eyes just show his passion and his love for God, his eyes shine!! I want mine to shine like that!! 

I referred to the videos: Indescribable, How Great Is Our God, Hope, and Fruitcake and Ice cream.

 

Poem: Impenetrable Strength

Impenetrable Strength

As a thousand claws rip out my heart

I sit here and cringe as my last ounce of strength is torn away

Being positive is a day to day trail

As I watch those claws scrape away my hope right before my very eyes.

The Lord is good, the Lord is near!!

Yet as I scream out the last little whimper of voice i have left

I am seeing no footprints besides my own

As I watch .. my strength is being dragged down into the depths of the earth

With heavy hands my palms I bare,

rescue me Father from my despair, 

show me a sign that u still care!!

See me worthy,for your strength to share!!

I hear a thunder from all around

I feel my suffering being molded together with such genuine warmth

like a ball of clay i am being transformed from the inside out

like a vice, reality tightens around me, I am not the person whom I once was

A figure appears before my eyes

a freshly sculpted soul is glowing with radiant life, with such familiarity

As I sit here I watch a wilted, dying rose being reborn, planting new roots

   I watch the life of the rose rejuvenate, stand strong .. with such ..  impenetrable strength

A Sheppard will lead one sheep to show the way

the rest will follow, so it is safe to say

The Lord set his plan, and  He heard me pray

He saved my life, so with Him, I would stay

This is yet another rough night. I came across some pictures I was not ready for today. I was feeling like the little bit of strength i tricked myself into believing i had, was ripped out from under me. Tonight my devotional had a simple line in it saying "Often he uses impossible situations in our lives to forge character" and the thoughts of this poem visually filled my mind. I really do not want to get into the depth of my thoughts here, the poem pretty much covered what i wanted to say. Until next meltdown ..
**This poem is by no means saying that i need signs or am doubting the hand of God in all of this .. it is saying the complete opposite, when i reread it today it sounded a little off, but hey,  that is what poured out, so that is what will stay**

   

My Heart In His Hands .. Poem

My Heart In His Hands

On a sun filled day, black clouds may appear

a face full of laughter, suddenly fills with fear

A life as you know it, may come to end

  but with trust in our Lord, our hearts He will mend

Having faith can be hard, as you're losing your fight

yet we will always win, with His plan in His sight.

We can not grasp, what we do not know

but His love for us, will ultimately show.

A broken heart, a wounded soul

the pain of this world sure took its toll

a sudden scream, a silent cry

oh dear God; how could she die?

With loving hands He holds my heart

a comfort knowing, we will never part.

although this life is all we see,

our eternal world,will always be

I decided to write this tonight because today was sort of rough. I can get so discouraged sometimes that i lose sight of what is really important, and that is my relationship with my Saviour. I can be so strong some days, and feel so defeated the next, but I do know that everything is way beyond my comprehension. To trust is to give all my worries and pain over to Him, and that can be very hard sometimes because I am just not capable of seeing the bigger picture. I can, however, see the picture He already painted for us. That being, His Son on the cross dying for me. If He could love me that much then, why in the world would He not love me that much now? Rose, it all comes down to laminin .. that self adhesive molecule that holds everything together in our bodies .. the cross of our Lord Jesus .. holds everything together!!

Colossians 1:15-17

New International Version (NIV)

The Supremacy of the Son of God

 ¹⁵ The Son is the image of the invisible God, the firstborn over all creation. ¹⁶ For in him all things were created: things in heaven and on earth, visible and invisible, whether thrones or powers or rulers or authorities; all things have been created through him and for him. ¹⁷ He is before all things, and in him all things hold together. 

 

Just to talk

                                 Just To Talk                           

Tonight I am writing with no purpose in mind. Jay and Dad are asleep and I am just sitting here in my own thoughts. I am cooking a ham and have no idea how to tell when it is done lol .. but the house smells nice :o) I use to love night times, now .. not so much!! The house is also lonely during the days as is, but I can clean and keep myself busy, but the nights are just so quiet and a huge reminder of all the thoughts I try to avoid all day. I try my best to be strong and quiet about what it is going on i n my head, but I guess things have a way with catching up to people. I have way too much time to think. I need a job. I need to fill up my mind with new things and start learning and be proud of myself. I knew at some point this blog would turn into a diary, that is so me lol. Ham just beeped, be right back ... Wow just found out how impossible it is to cut a ham without eating any of it hahaha. Yeah new paragraph ..

Since this is so diary like I might as well do all my pretty colors like I would normally do .. I remember sitting in the Dartmouth General with Mommy one night using all my pretty pens in one of my diaries and Mom looked over at me as she was watching a show and just said I love these kind of nights when you are reading and writing beside me. Leave it to Mom to find such simple  joy in the hardest of times, man do I ever miss her.

I guess I am feeling a little crappy tonight, good thing I can blab away on this blog, however I really do not know what else to say. I am just trying to find my place in this world, trying to find joy and surround myself with people that truly do care about me and want to be around me even though I am completely awkward and totally lost lol .. nice combination I must say!! Not sure how Jamie stuck by me all these years, but sure am thankful he did!!
 
I remember one day Jamie came to get me for school and I had just fallen down my front stairs .. 13 of them haha with a lap top in my hands, so he knocks on the door and Mom yells "come in" so Jay opens the door to find a bunch of lap top keys all over the floor and Mom yells "Rose fell down the stairs!!" and Jamie says .. "is she ok???" Mommy yells "NOOOOOOO!!!!!" hahaha .. and runs off leaving Jamie to think I am laying in a coma somewhere  LoL I was totally fine, i had a bump on my head and had to explain a broken laptop to the person who owned it, but other then that I was fine hahaha ... you know as nice as memories are ... there were so many more to make.  

Well I guess I will go and read now, who knows I might come back on if I can't get out of my funk .. hope everyone is safe happy and healthy .. with lots of love and care, until next time ..

He even loves the screw ups

                                              He Even Loves the Screw Ups                                                        


This is another video inspired blog, and once again I will credit the video in a later blog. This video talked about a young lady, named Ashley, who was on the wrong track in life, she didn't believe in God, her Mother and brother did but her Father was an atheist. She once lived with her Mom but had decided to move in with her Father. Sometime after, she got her own apartment and needed a room mate .. so along comes this other girl .. I will call her Chirstine because i can't seem to remember her name, i know it began with a C. Christine was a christian girl and well Ashley just thought, oh here we go!!  But this girl was different. She did not look down on Ashley, she never once made her feel like she was less then her, there was just something different about her. Ashley was messed up with the wrong guy, they we arguing and he was unfaithful so Ashley was just feeling miserable. One day Christine invited Ashley to sit and watch a video with her .. she seemed to really enjoy it so Christine popped on another one that would forever change Ashley's life. 
Ashley cried .. she was moved by what she had just seen, but she could not understand how God could love her, she lived a life of simply just screwing up, she felt inadequate and unworthy of God's love for her!! Christine pretty much just told her that we are all unworthy of God's love, we are all screw ups, but He sent Jesus to die on the cross for us because none of us can do it on our own. Jesus died to carry our sins for us. Well Ashley decided to ask the Lord into her heart that day. She said the sinners prayer and turned her life over to Jesus!! 
Her family watched as Ashley's life began to change, they saw the joy fill her eyes again and saw her actions were backing up everything she felt in her heart. Ashley was a changed person .. but sadly a short while after, Ashley was in a bad car accident, and did not survive. The Lord took her home .. Ashley's story has been being told ever since then, she has changed so many lives. This blog does not tell the full impact of this young girls life but it goes to show you that her story is still being told even through me as i sit here in my housecoat about to start my morning. 
I use to think that I screwed up so bad that I was a lost cause. But thankfully I too know that thinking that was just all lies .. the Devil will say and do whatever he has to do to bring you down. If he got you one day at a time his mission is accomplished. Today you feel you can't go out because you have nothing nice to wear, you feel too ugly, you don't feel smart enough ... all of these things capture you one moment at a time. Your own thoughts can paralyze you into believing that you are just not worth it, but that is so not true. We are all God's creation .. so we are all worth it!! 
It is so easy to laugh at christians .. and go for it if you so please, but once you feel and experience what they are actually excited about, it is life changing. There is hope and joy and the weight of the world lifted off of your shoulders when you know you are not alone in carrying the burdens of your life and the world around you. It is not just a change of mind as if to say ok so now i believe in this, now what? No it truly changes who you are, there is such peace and happiness to be found that so many people just don't understand.

I did not mean for that to turn into preaching of any sort, I am just passionate about people who felt like me. People who are worth so much more then they are living for. I will post this video at a later date because I can not tell it like they did .. Ashley was just a normal person living a normal life, when her whole world changed, and forever changed her eternity. 
Until next blog ... 

My Daddy XOxoXO

                      My Daddy XOxoXO             

There has been a few things I was wanting to write about, but the one I kept thinking about the most is this one. I wanted to write a blog about one of the best gifts God has ever blessed me with and that of course is my Daddy-oh.
Every time I look back as a little girl I remember my Dad working his butt off to give us what we needed or even just wanted. I remember one of the many times he took me out to buy a huge ugly coat i really wanted LoL .. he knew I would never wear it long, but he also knew how much i wanted it, so sure enough he bought it for me, a couple hundred dollars later, I was floating in my new winter coat.  Dad did his very best to buy us things that made us feel good .. and to have food in the house that would appeal to 6 different mouths .. oh the things he did for us was minute by minute, day by day and through every year of our lives.
Dad sacrificing things he wanted, to get us things we wanted is actually small in comparison to the love and strength he put into our family. Dad raised us up to love the Lord Jesus, he has gone to the same church for as long as I can remember .. I will always remember how proud I was to walk on stage after a service on Sunday or on Monday nights after our youth group to stand up by the greatest and coolest bass player who ever stepped foot on this earth!! I would tell every new person I met .. "that's MY dad!!" 
As I grew older and started to slip away Dad would never cease to tell me that he loves me and so does Jesus. He use to put little sticky notes on my door with a scripture and a sweet note on it so that I would get the scriptures into me one way or another .. I still have a bunch of those, to this day I love them!!

Needless to say to those who know him, Dad is a great husband. He showed me what I deserve for myself and nothing less, so in that, I too have a wonderful husband!!  Dad told Mom everyday how beautiful she is, and how much he loves her. Dad took care of her the very best he knew how. No one in this world is perfect, we all live and learn, and during the past few years of Dad's life he had to learn things in a very difficult way. He had to learn how to take care of very serious personal needs for my Mommy, he had to be her strength when he had the weight of the world on his own shoulders. He had to learn how to give her meds, watch her diet, and how to sneak in treats that Mom loved without me barking at him!! I sat and watched as Dad prayed with Mom, comforted Mom, hugged and kissed her, encouraged her, told her she was beautiful .. listened to her, cried with her, laughed with her .. the list is endless. That makes me cry so much because everyone has regrets, everyone wishes they could of done more, or could change things they did .. but the fact of the matter is, we were thrown under the bus, we were running around like chickens with our heads cut off, trying to do the best that we could, in a situation we knew nothing about .. and not once did Dad give up!!!!
I am SOOOOOOO proud of my Dad!! He never backed down, he did what had to be done with love in his eyes, and after Mom went to be with Jesus, he continued to be our strength. He encourages me and loves me and everyday is drawing closer to Jesus .. his faith through all of this has built up my own faith. I know no matter what is going on, no matter where he is, that i can call him, and he will take the time to sit with me, to cry with me, to talk with me .. to go for a drive just to get out of the house .. My Dad is the best Dad a girl could ever ask for. Words can not describe how proud I am to be my Father's daughter, every good thing in me is because of him and my beautiful Mother and the love for Jesus that shined through him every step of this horrible rough road. Thank you Dad for loving all of us, and taking care of all of us, for your devotion and strength and pure heart in everything you have done for our family. I love you with all that I am!!!!

I love you Daddy, you are more wonderful then you could ever know!!! XOxoXOxoXOxoXOxoXOxoXO

Suffering is a servant to Me

As I sat with Jamie and Dad tonight and watched a video with them, I learned, that I am not a servant to the loss and suffering I am carrying now, but it is a servant to me!! It is so easy, understandably, to get lost in the pain of losing a loved one, it is so easy to lose faith and say: God must not love me to allow this to happen!! I went through moments of that, moments of not being able to understand, and having my heart crushed in, what felt like,  the fist of a great giant who holds the key to every bit of happiness,dream, vision or goal I had set out for my life. I hurt so bad I scream and cry out to the only One who could save us and help us in our darkest of times .. and know that He hears me.
I know as i said in a previous blog that we can not grasp the bigger picture God can already see and has put in place in each one of our lives. We can not see why He had chosen to take Mom away from our lives now, and to bring her even closer to Him. All i know is that our God loves us .. He has wrapped His loving arms around this family the whole time .. from the time Mom was diagnosed, until the time He took her to be with Him .. if He was not by our sides we could never have done what He made us capable of doing, we could never have lived through it thinking that we would never see her again. Instead of running away from God .. away from Jesus our Savior and putting blame on Him for what took place .. I chose to run to Him .. i choose to run to the One who has been through it himself. 
Jesus was brutally persecuted, He was ridiculed .. He suffered in agony for each one of us. When we come across the question why did He have to take Mom so soon, Jesus was only 33, but there was a much bigger plan in place then anyone could understand as they watched this precious, loving man be hung on a cross to die. Our God has everything under control, so I will not hang my head in defeat, I will praise the name of Jesus for allowing me to be a part of His plan, I will use this sorrow and sadness to reach others who have fallen short of the glory of God because they feel He left them in a time when they needed Him most!! I will NOT be a servant to suffering, but this suffering will serve me, it will serve me and my Savior to reach the lost and the brokenhearted!!
I am not a preacher, I am not a teacher, heck I am not even all that book smart .. I am simply a women who has felt the loving touch of God on her life, who has experienced first hand what God is capable of doing. I am still learning and will continue until i am held safely in the arms of Jesus when i finally get home!!
The video that we watched will be credited in a later blog

Until next time, don't refuse what you do not understand, don't refuse what you have not experienced,  for seeing can very easily be believing .. but, simply believing, .. if or until seeing, is a great testimony to your faith!! 
 

My Mommy XOxoXO

              Sharon Elizabeth Adamski           

To be able to say everything i would like to say about Mom would take every bit of breath that I have left from now until eternity. So i figured i would just take it one step at a time .. one thought at a time. 
I will not, for the most part, speak of Mom as was because if I believe what i say i believe, then Mom is more alive then any one of us right now. So I will start off as my Mommy is the greatest Mother anyone could ever ask for!! Is she perfect? No, but she is perfect for us. Mom would worry about us from the time we left the house until the time she heard our phone call, or until we walked back through her door. She is the definition of protector, my goodness, if someone did something wrong to us, they would have to face the wrath of Momma. Even after we had long forgotten the incident, Mom didn't .. she was always there with a warning to make sure we didn't let our guard down so we would not become vulnerable to them again!! She was always home for us, she stayed day in and day out to make sure we had our meals for the day, had our bath and to make sure none of us rug burnt each other to the point of hospitalization!! I can not recall a time when i had to go to bed at night without seeing or hearing from Mom. She would have restless sleeps if she did not see or hear from us .. Mom, I can easily say, we are the ones tossing and turning every night now.
Mom is so funny in such an innocent and silly way. I could never prepare myself enough for what she might say .. but as i am saying that i can also recall how many times she didn't say anything at all. Dad would come in and tell Mom all about a show, or something he heard on the radio, next, one of the boys would come in and tell her the same story, then I too would go and repeat the same thing she already heard for herself  in the first place, and relived it 4 or 5 times after, and each and every time, she acted as if it was the first time she heard it. I often wondered why she did that, why not just say oh I heard that already .. but I now know it was because she knew we were so excited to tell her, everything that we learned .. or heard, we would always go back to Mom, filled with excitement to be able to share the news with her. So she sat there, and listened to each one us with her beautiful smile on her face and repeated the same lines she had already said to at least 3 other people. As small as that seems, that thought always makes me smile, she never put herself first no matter what the situation was.
I have never met anyone who could see such beauty in the smallest, simplest little things. You take Mom into the Dollar store and she was like a kid in a candy store, all the sparkles and ribbons and decorations .. all the things she could hang off of every door knob in the house, or a pretty decoration she could hang outside, or put in her window .. she was overjoyed with all the little trinkets she could fit into her basket. I remember when i was like 4 or 5 or something, i got necklace things, that went onto my My little pony's, well i just attached them, and formed them into a heart as best as i could because it just kept bending back into a deformed circle, and Mom looked at me like  it was the best gift anyone could ever receive .. i forgot all about that until not too long ago i looked into Mom's jewelery box, and there it was, the deformed little circle that she kept for 0ver 25 years .. that is my Mom, that is why life is so hard without her love and companionship. 

Every night Dad and I will look up into the sky in hopes to see even just one star, who knows .. maybe Mommy can see that same star .. so just in case, we will look at it just a little bit longer. I miss and love you Mommy, so very much, i miss your childish heart and compassionate touch in our lives, i can't wait to see you again, and NEVER be torn apart again. Love forever n a day, your Rosebud!! XOxoXO

              You are

    SO BEAUTIFUL
                        
               to me